PDA: Please Don’t Argue

So a few days back a friend of mine had raised the issue of Public Display of Affection on Facebook, and had invited a debate on whether “love expressed on Facebook can be classified as PDA or not”. The friend of mine further questioned if ‘it defies the basic social norms which have been set by our “society”?’

Most would agree that it is, indeed PDA, and as I have already argued in this post, I agree too, that Facebook, or for that matter, any online social networking site, is not so far away from reality that one must think they have a license to behave in any way that they wouldn’t in real life.

The friend’s post made me think about PDA as a whole, and I did a little research on what has already been debated about it. It seems people still can’t seem to make their mind about whether PDA is really acceptable or not, while most say that given involving parties remain “within predefined limits”, it doesn’t really make any difference. Rule of thumb, in my opinion, should be that, anything that makes people near you go “Aww..look at that, they’re so cute!” is okay, while anything that would incite a nauseous “Ugh! Go get yourselves a room guys!” isn’t.

And although it might be totally unrelated, all I could think of was Lily Allen’s “Who’d Have Known”, and the song’s lyrics. Of course, trust me to find a song for everything. The song’s not that exceptionally great, except that it has these lines which I really like,

“I haven’t left here for days now,
And I’m becoming amazed how,
You’re quite affectionate in public,
In fact your friend said it made her feel sick,
And even though it’s moving forward,
There’s just the right amount of awkward,
And today you accidentally called me baby“

I am sure people who discuss PDA are the ones who have, never, in their life, indulged in PDA themselves. I am sure people who talk about social norms and PDA defying them, have never, for once, held their lover’s hand in public. And I am also sure they have never said “I love you” to their girlfriend/boyfriend in front of their friends. I mean, of course, that would be PDA, right? Saying I love you in public? Then how, I ask, would they understand why a song would be written about how great it feels when someone shows their affection to you in public? How would they understand that in any relationship, being acknowledged in front of friends, is considered one of the first signs of a stable foundation? How would they realize how amazing it is when the one you love, decides to give indulgence to a sudden impulse, a spontaneous outburst of love, and just pops a kiss on your forehead, out of nowhere, while you’re doing something as mundane as waiting for the lift? That sometimes, something as simple as being called baby in front of a group of friends could melt one’s heart?

Well, we keep talking about freedom of expression. Then why is expressing love considered a threat to our culture? People who express feelings of love with friends are not considered “show offs”. Then why are lovers expressing love “show-offs”? I wouldn’t think twice about posting something about my best friend. Then why should I think twice before posting something about my fiance? Friends, family, lovers… these all are relations we have in our lives. Why, then, are only lovers the butt of all debates?

Having said all this, I still maintain that there is always a statute of decency this “society” has agreed upon, and one should stick to that. You are free to do anything you wish, as long as it doesn’t cause discomfort to the people around you. Like I already mentioned that rule of thumb, right?

And just before I wrap this whole thing up, you want to know how “offensive” PDA is? Go ask that dork who scored the campus trophy and loves flaunting her because it is the first time his friends are jealous of him. Go ask that guy who’s doing a jig inside his head right now, grinning like an idiot, because his girlfriend just blew a kiss to him in front of his friends. Go ask that girl who wishes she could throw a party because her “never-express-love-in-public” boyfriend just made a fool of himself in front of his friends and the butt of their jokes because he posted a video of a romantic song on Facebook and tagged her in it. Or maybe go ask that couple who held hands in public for the first time and realized how spectacular the world looks when you’re walking hand in hand.

Leave them be. Let them enjoy. Don’t like it? Don’t do it!

And oh, this is the song. Since I like it anyways

On public wars VS private wars

…and on a similar note, on public affection VS private affection.

Yeah right. Make what you have to out of it.

This post has been triggered by a lot of things happening at the same time. The whole good, bad and ugly. And I have been through all of this, right on.. ah, Facebook. And no, don’t go all “It’s just a stupid social networking site!” on me. Because I have proof that this “stupid social networking site” has made and marred quite a few real relationships. Shallow? Maybe. Irrelevant? Definitely not.

I imagine Facebook to be a big, big fun ball. You put on a nice dress (your profile picture), you enter the huge hall (login on Facebook) and then you look around and see what’s happening. You have stuff to share, you put it up on this huge message board (the Wall) and then people come and see what you have on yours, and talk to you about it, and you go about checking stuff on other people’s walls and talk to them about it. Sometimes you meet someone you know, and you get a table for two and have a nice private conversation (the chat). Sometimes people come up to you to know you better (it isn’t called “networking” for nothing). You find them interesting, you let them know you better. Or you just shut every stranger out of your comfort zone (your profile). Oh, and sometimes you get poked. Funny if it is by friends, very rude if it is by strangers wanting your attention.

You get the drift. My point here is that, it could be a virtual site, but its influences I believe, are quite real. Starting with the good part, I have met people on Facebook who have turned out to be some of the most influential people in my life. In spite of not having met them ever, they are as much a tangible part of my life as my closest friends! And just the other day, when a sister of mine mentioned how much it meant to her to be included in my “family” in my Facebook profile, I realized sometimes these trivial things are not so trivial after all.

So sometimes you meet, say your better half, in this party that I am talking about. Would you refrain from showing your affection just because you have a home to go back to where you can be as mushy as you can be? Or do you act like strangers, and not talk to each other just because, well, you ought to keep personal stuff personal? If one questions about PDA on Facebook, one ought to question PDA everywhere. Because well, to me, if a person loves me enough to openly say it out loud in that party, he definitely fulfills one of those top ten desired traits on my ruthless wishlist (ruthless because it has, like, everything). Overkill is not desirable anywhere, I agree. But once in a while, doing something impulsive shouldn’t really raise people’s eyes, and make them question it, and mumble things like “personal” and “private”. My answer? Go ahead, close your eyes (hide my posts from your wall). But in that case, do close your eyes each time you walk on the streets as well. Or go question them mushy couples on the street too. Be the “social police” if it pleases you so.

So much for affection, and coming to wars. Same concept. Just like you would follow decorum in that huge fun party, you ought to do that out here too. If you wouldn’t diss me in that party, why diss me on a virtual site? You disagree to something that I say in the course of a discussion, refute me all you have to, and I will defend my stand. But you wouldn’t just walk up to me and say something rude just because it is well, a cool thing to do, would you? That would be plain rude. And doing it on Facebook doesn’t make it a lesser evil. The insult, I assure you, is not imaginary at all. Call me shallow all you want, but fact is that I have lost a really good friend because of an open war on my Facebook wall. My logic was simple. The friend said stuff they wouldn’t have said to my face. And because it was out for everybody else to see as well.

My point? If you don’t disregard compliments or friendships on Facebook, you can’t disregard affronts and hostilities out here too. I am not saying Facebook is a reflection of a “real” life. In fact I hate it when people say my life is out here on Facebook, but what I am saying is that it is also not so far from real life that you will do stuff here you wouldn’t do in your real life. How you behave in a Facebook profile does say a lot about how you are as a person in reality.

And for people who go all “Meh!” when it comes to Facebook, my advice: Don’t join the party and sulk around and say it doesn’t matter. You always have the option of showing yourself the door (logout!). If you are “social” enough to join a social networking site, please do play the part, or else, well. You know what to do.