I have always prided on being one of the few people who claim to know themselves. Like really know what they want and what they feel and also know when they are confused and as such, shouldn’t claim to know themselves. No wonder I spend half my time trying to help people close to me understand me. Its not for their benefit, really. Maybe its the Leo in me, for I want people around me to know exactly how I need to be treated. And most of the times, they do get the hang of it after a while. Except when it comes to my terrible mood swings. Now that, has been something of a mystery even to myself, leave alone my parents and my sister (who, I must say, had had to face the consequences of it the most) and the few people I consider close enough to reveal my mood to.
You see, normally I consider myself quite fun to be with. Ranging from mildly amusing to out-and-out entertaining. And quite accommodating too. Proof to that is the number of times I’ve played personalized radio station on the phone to people trying to complete boring charts without dropping off to sleep right on top of them, or traveling on their way to work and the likes….you get the hang of it. However, there is a huge “Conditions Apply” that comes along with it (and this one’s not even in fine print…its in bold and twice the size of the normal font, and also underlined for good measure). I am only available to dole out random dose of nonsense when I am in the mood for it. And if not, then well….maybe its not such a good idea to even talk to me. So I can somehow understand how one might feel when one expects to hear Radio Mirchi on the other end of the phone and all they get is Gyan Vaani. At my worst, I think I am the daily news. Boring, drab, and only as interesting as the bit of news I have to disclose.
And after numerous counts of making people slam the phone in disgust (alright, I admit, I am the one doing the slamming most of the times…..what the heck, all the time), I finally figured out that the best thing I could do was not talk to people when I am not really at my sunshine-y best. I was tired of having to answer the “What happened to you?”s and the “I’m sure there’s something….why won’t you talk to me about it?”s after I would tell them that I don’t really need a reason to have an off day. It took me a long time, but I did eventually work out that people who don’t suffer from unpredictable mood swings will never understand what it is to suddenly wake up from sleep with a frown and not want to talk to anybody unless it is to swear at them. Admitted, I don’t really go about swearing at people when in a bad mood but hey, there’s got to be some time when all the foreign expletives I know by heart come to be of some use. Aaah, the joys of muttering indiscriminate abuses under your breath and feeling all your pent up frustration come out from the recess of your heart, roll delectably in your tongue and linger for a while in the air before flying off to neverland….!
But I am diverging here, as usual. So coming back to talking to “never-moody” people when in a bad mood. Nada…not doing it anymore. It is difficult to explain that sometimes I don’t want to smile just because I don’t find reason enough to. Or that most of the times, all it takes is some time alone, and a Tom and Jerry show (I swear by them) or at most System Of A Down songs on repeat (that’s when I am in my angry most) to calm me down. I can’t count the number of times I’ve been told to take care of my mood swings because people around me find it quite exasperating and that most of the times it comes out as a fiery bout of temper I don’t even mean to show.
And until yesterday I did think that not being moody was something I really needed to work on. With exams going on, it normally doesn’t take much to get me grumpy and irritated. On top of that I spent quite some time trying to make a close friend of mine see sense and forget about that stronzo of her boyfriend who wasn’t willing to commit after thirteen (can you beat that? Thirteen!!!!) long years of her being in love with him. Consequence of which was me concluding that all men must come from asshole-land, none excepted. Anyway, back in my room I was happy fuming and thinking up arguments for my re-confirmed theory based on past grievances and present instances, finding all the more reason to remain pissed with everyone belonging to that species. And as it had to happen, a friend of mine who was online sent me a message. My first instinct was obviously to let him know that I was not in the best of my moods and so would better be left alone. But on being prodded (yeah, I kind of had to let him know of all the theories I had spent a whole hour brooding on) I did let it all out. And well, all he did was laugh….and tell me that it was fun. Fun, of all things!
That’s when I started thinking, you know. There is some element of humor in being moody as well. You just need to find it, that’s all. I mean, have you ever thought why nuns and airhostesses are boring ? (People who’ve seen Sister Act would get this). They are always happy. They always smile. They are so predictable. Boring. Now what would be interesting is if an airhostess pours your drink right on your lap because you’ve been rude to her. Or maybe when you see a super angry nun who actually shows it. See what I mean? With someone who’s unpredictable, you always have this element of curiousity (sometimes bordering on dread, I admit) as to what to expect when the person picks up your call. You never know if its sunshine or a thunderstorm on the other end. And the forever unanswered question as to what makes that person really tick. Mysteries are somehow always more interesting when they are unsolved.
So the last word (yeah, I always have the one)…..mood swings are okay, you know. As long as you know how to deal with them. Don’t let them confuse you. They come and go, and if you can save yourself from letting them incur any lasting damages, they are actually quite harmless. And this goes for the likes of me who know what it is to be alternately Little Dr. Jekyll and Little Mr. Hyde a hundred times in a day (mood swings are not THAT overpowering after all), as well as for the people around us who have to learn to live with us.