Posted on Facebook on Monday, September 8, 2008 at 5:50pm
Sometimes..well, most of the times..I wonder what exactly am doing here…doing what I’m doing, being who I am…when I definitely know what I want to be is not this.
Okay…I’ve managed to confuse myself yet again.
The day begins at exactly half an hour before my alarm is supposed to ring…when there’s no time to squeeze in more sleep and no wish whatsoever to wake up. So there I am, with eyes wide open and a body which simply refuses to move, unless its to put on music (bless my P990i), much to the chagrin of my room-mate who always want “soft hindi” songs at least in the mornings… Then starts the hunt for an unoccupied bathroom, and each day is a relevation on just how much time somebody can take doing the simple task of pouring water on herself!
Rushing to classes after that eternal question of “what to wear” is solved and somehow keeping my eyes open through hours of lectures (in the truest sense of the term)…and then finally, bliss…the lunch hour. Most of the times its a rushed affair, to give at least some time to keep my date with my P.G. Wodehouses that I desperately cling on to as my sole contact with the literary world…and then the sweet 15 minutes of a power nap which is often punctuated by the sounds of drills and hammers (our blessed hostel is still under construction).
Waking up with a vague idea of where I was, and then sleep-walking to the French Classes…the funniest bit of which is our Monsieur not being able to pronounce my name. And then back to the den…tired, exhausted and ready to drop dead. That’s when I ask myself if its worth it. Why would I endure this, when all I basically need to do is open up a creche and take in lots of kids to keep me smiling all day long? Who in their right senses would come to a place like this where “entertainment” would basically comprise of scribbling notes to each other during class???
And then, that teeny-weeny voice of conscience speaks up… I made this choice. Knowing very well what I was bargaining for. And I mean to have no regrets. So there I go again..get up and force myself to sit on the table and complete assignments. Until my eyes start screaming for attention and my yawns come out more frequent than my sighs. And I surrender to comfort..fall on the bed and try to be happy to be alive. With a small prayer of at least a good dream. Until tomorrow…until reality.