“Its a melancholy of my own…”

Posted in Facebook on Saturday, February 7, 2009 at 6:26pm

Life is a bitch….big time. And don’t think I’m saying this because at this moment life and I are not exactly the best buddies (no, that, is a different story altogether). Ask anybody who calls himself a realist worth his salt and he would, I guess, say the very same thing. And we all agree that it is so because you never can put your faith in that cunning little thing for long! There you go about, minding your own business, doing what you are supposed to (that is, in case you don’t know, living…the whole breathing in, breathing out thing we do) and wham! Life strikes when you are hardly prepared for it, and you are left with a bloody nose and stinging eyes and hey, you can’t even complain…cause you know — that’s life. That’s what everybody says.

I prefer to take a slightly different perspective to life as a whole. Must be the influence of the girls’ guide lessons I heard about long time back…and their motto. Be prepared. Having been dealt with innumerable such blows, I emerged wiser (can’t say stronger, though). You know, much like the protagonist of any movie worth calling a movie who takes the worse of the first half of the last fight (leading to the climax) against the superbly strong and muscular villain…. and then rises like a phoenix from the ashes to deliver the coup-de-grace. And over the years, I’ve come up with a few strategies of my own. Now the fact that they never do actually work when it comes to the real deal hardly makes them any less brilliant, does it?

And that’s how I came up with stuff like “Don’t give a damn to what happens next, you can’t do anything about it anyway”, “Nothing ever happens without a reason…the one up there is a big chess player, planning out his next moves ages before he makes even one”, “To fall in love is simpler than it looks like, and to fall out of it all the more confusing”….

Have been putting a lot of thought to it off late…to the last thing, I mean. Now love, has always been my forte. I used to think of myself as something of an expert in that, having been an Agony Aunt for years now. But it is only now that I know the most bitter lesson…and I’ve learnt it all on my own. They didn’t teach that part about being realistic the day they taught me about love. They didn’t tell me that in a world where every single thing has  some modicum of reason behind it, love is the most  irrational thing one can think about… and most importantly, that loving somebody does not necessarily imply a happily ever after. That when you fall in love, more often than not its with the “can’t live without him” types, but when you start thinking about a future, it has got to be with the “can live with him” types. Its always been like that. You find a guy who’s so awesome you feel like you’ve never done before. You experience passion you never even knew existed.

And then one day, the passion dries up…and you wonder what went wrong. And that’s exactly when you start asking yourself the questions you never wanted to admit were in your mind. Most of the times, your heart will answer that you need him for your very existence…that (no matter how cliché it may sound) you can’t live without him. In the rest of those confusing times, you realize its not about not being able to live without him, but that you may not really be able to live with him. And then the next question, you might just as well imagine life without him, but can you imagine life with somebody else??

Which brings me back to where I started. Life’s a bitch….it poses questions in front of you and demands of you to find answers when you don’t even want to know them. So what the heck, ask them before you are forced to. That’s the only way to be prepared.


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