Posted in Facebook on Saturday, April 18, 2009 at 8:26pm
I would have loved to write about how I did all these wonderful things today and how they make me feel so proud of myself…would have loved to set an example of how to utilize the weekend in the most efficient way and live up to the image of the resourceful intellectual girl most people take me for. But guess what, it is with immense satisfaction that I say that I have just spent the most unproductive day in my life that I’ve known so far. And believe me, there’s a warm good feeling inside me inspite of, or maybe because of it. Because I have just discovered for myself that there is great beauty in doing absolutely nothing at all. I mean, it is an art in itself! Tell me, how many people can boast about a blank mind, free from any thought whatsoever and the constant anxiety about having to “do” something, at any given point of time?
I can safely say I spent the entire day with a permanent “Duh?” written on my face…so much that anything remotely cerebral needed to be said twice to me before my mind could register it. I was in that ecstatic world of movies and music where I could let my mind drift and float and gather daisies and make pretty chains out of them for all I care….I mean, do whatever it wants with nothing holding it back. I now know what it is to do a Jughead and a Moose at the same time…my room literally smells of sloth and my bed has laziness written all over it. And even though my body aches from not moving a single muscle except maybe to bat my eyelids and my fingers moving over the mouse pad, I have never felt better!
And today I have found out what pleasure there is in being able to have coffee and biscuits for lunch just because I feel like it, and waiting till that nice time in the late afternoon just before dusk when the air is not too warm yet not too crisp, to have a long shower…long enough that I’ve got raisins for my fingertips. And when I come back from my bath feeling fresh and fragrant and new, my room hugs me with old warmth the way that only somebody who has not been parted from me for an entire day for more than seconds at a time can do. I have found out firsthand the bliss there is in not worrying about “doing” something, anything….and telling myself I have got absolutely nothing to do….even though all the assignments lined up and my unopened textbooks call me a liar.
For a person like me who always likes to plan things way ahead, who believes in organizing and scheduling time for everything and whose mind is perpetually a disoriented slideshow of multicolor snapshots with no common theme, it is nothing short of a major triumph, to be able to sleep on her bed all day long with half closed eyes glued to the laptop screen, lips slightly parted, and mind and heart totally impassive…and to live through the day without a single guilty feeling.
So here’s to doing nothing at all….to being independent in the truest sense of the term, like the way I feel I am independent from my own self today….and to the art of not thinking, for a change.