Well. It’s way past three in the morning, and I have just finished watching “Julie And Julia”, something that I had been meaning to do for a long time now. And for the first time I have decided to be totally impulsive about this. Okay. More impulsive than I normally am.
I normally think a lot before I put down words. Most of the times, it is not just about expressing myself, but about expressing myself in the absolutely best possible way. So much that I read and re-read what I write a million times before posting them on my blog. But tonight, I am not going to do any of it. And tonight (oh, morning actually) I am just going to type it out right here in my blog’s editor and not on one of my One Note pages.
What was it about the movie that made me do it? Oh, only that it was about the two things I love the most. Writing and food. (That music is not what I love but a way of life I will also mention here. Just in case.) Plus the fact that somehow, I see a Julie Powell in me as well! Like the way deep in my heart the only thing I want to be is a writer, and I know that before I reach there I would have to wear my ass off sitting in front of a computer inside a cubicle the whole day long working for some IT company for years. Except that in Julie’s case, the deeply unsatisfying job is in a Government agency. Anyway, I somehow know it in my gut, (or maybe I am almost preparing myself for the worst so that anything better would be enough to make me ecstatic) that I will be stuck in a job I wouldn’t like doing. Highly opinionated that I am about everything, I think I might just come back from office the first day at work and announce I absolutely love the job and love the people around me, a week later concede that maybe it’s not that awesome really and for all I know a month later declare I absolutely hate it. And keep complaining that this is not my calling. That I am meant to do something else. Anything. Also the fact that just like Julie says about her blog, “I feel like I am sending it off to some huge black void” (or words to that effect) even I feel like there’s absolutely no one who reads my blog as well. Oh, and I so relate to the feeling she has when she gets one comment on her blog (although it turns out to be from nobody but her mother)!
I first started writing notes in Facebook out of total frustration, really. And less for the love of writing. But then I fell in love with it all, and almost a year later this blog happened. And now, my blog has become this one thing I am proud of in my own way. Even though the blog stats I see on my profile everyday only proves to me that I am just another drop in the ocean and people all over only have time for the waves. Even though I know that I hardly lead an extraordinary life worthy enough to make splashes even. But then somehow I realize it isn’t about how many people read me or how many “fans” I have. It is ultimately about doing what you love doing. And doing it for yourself no matter what happens.
But just how crazy is this? A woman ages ago comes up with a legend of a book, and decades later, another woman absolutely smitten with that woman and her book comes up with the idea of living by it for a year, and also writing about it while she does it, “to save herself”, as they say. Then some brilliant person (didn’t have the patience to pay attention to the credit roll, sorry!) comes up with the idea of making a movie out on these two woman. To end it all (or maybe it is a blessed beginning?) an overwhelmed wannabe writer gets all inspired (gross understatement, by the way) after watching it and decides to start writing her blog with renewed vigor. And just to make a point doesn’t spare a single moment on thinking twice before opening up her blog and start writing immediately. Although something tells me even tomorrow morning when I re-read this I might just end up regretting this. Besides the point, but just think of it. They were real people. They’re living people and not a figment of somebody’s imagination. And I, am living in this moment, getting inspired by somebody who got inspired by somebody else! Isn’t it really like a real time chain of inspiration?
Also that deadline thing. Seriously, just like Julie Powell, if I don’t set deadlines for myself I will be dead before I finish anything up. I mean, it is so typical of me to get all excited and overwhelmed about something, and then to let it burn in no time at all. And if I need to tick off all the items in my own bucket list, I really got to do something about it! Although I don’t really think I am brave enough or clichéd enough (forgive me all the people who have public wish lists of sorts) to do something like making all the ambitions I hold the closest to my heart known to strangers. So for now it has to remain a resolution. To come up with a list of deadlines for myself before my twenty-fourth birthday. Hmmm. Did I just set a deadline for myself publicly already?
I know I am not making much sense tonight, but who cares? No, seriously. Although it is great to dream about that one moment when somebody tells me I am one of the top bloggers of my site (in this case WordPress… thank you already!), or the moment when I end up doing something incredible (don’t even know what that could be) and I will be all over the place, I know that for now it is just going to be me and my blog. And maybe that’s exactly how I want it to be. Oh well, someday, I might just end up coming up with something to help world peace or prevent a third world war, but until then, ahem. Facts are facts. And they show up on my blog stats everyday.
Now why we all write a blog would make up for a whole different post altogether. But I am on the “Julie and Julia” high tonight. And just to set things back to where it all started: brilliant, brilliant movie. And am sure like me, a lot of people would end up wishing they could cook like that AND become famous by writing about it like that. Oh, and for me, I wish I have a saint of a husband like them too. The best part I liked about it was how it doesn’t have an all happy-happy climax where Julie gets to meet Julia, like it’s supposed to happen in all happy movies, and the drums roll and then there are teary speeches. In fact it is this very thing that makes my resolve to keep doing what I am doing without giving a damn to what might happen “in the end”, even stronger. Ah well, for now, I am just awestruck by the movie that could make me:
A) Write a whole blog post on it (have never done a whole post on one movie before)
B) …and that too, without even thinking about it (read the post and you get to know it’s all about fleeting emotions and not much about literary skills)
C) Finish off my last bit of “Valrhona Caraibe Chocolat Noir” (in a desperate attempt to have at least something exquisite after seeing all that gourmet cooking being done)
D) Post this on my blog without posting it on my Facebook notes (now this, I have never ever done) just because I have sworn off being “social” for at least a few days. Different story that one.
E) Forget about just how depressed I was before I sat down to watch this. Okay, this one’s not that new a reason.Actually it doesn’t take much for me to get over one of my mood swings.
Oh good, it’s light already. And though on this enthusiasm overload I could go on writing about the whole world if you ask me to, something tells me I should stop. Because I don’t want this excitement to burn out fast. Because this is one fire I want to keep slowly burning inside me, keeping me warm and going even in the coldest of days. So ciao from a very happy me today morning!
P.S : Boy do I love writing, and boy do I love my blog! Gee.. am all sentimental today!