Finally I am through with the screw-ups I call my mid-terms, and suddenly I have time in my hand to do everything I want to do, and it is sort of a let down. See it’s not even like I stopped doing stuff because my mid-terms were going on, but well, it was a whole different case of the thrill of the taboo. Can you even imagine how boring it is to do things only when they are meant to be done?
So well, although I don’t really love to write when I am expected to (like in the free time I get when the exams are over), I had to do this. Tried talking it out but R’s busy (nothing new in that anyway) so I can’t talk to him. I even took an outside chance on getting my sister to listen to me, but seems like I am the only person in the universe who won’t be home late tonight.
But it’s not everyday you realize you are an addict. And I have to get this off my chest. So let me do this right.
I am Sam (nickname courtesy AB), and I am a musiholic. I am afflicted by that disorder characterized by the excessive consumption of and dependence on music (oh yeah, I tweaked the definition of an alcoholic, and in case you were wondering, *consume* is exactly what I do with music)
And how did I come to realize it?
Exhibit A: I spent four hours on the night before my Artificial Intelligence paper, surfing for new music to listen to on Grooveshark, and I wouldn’t stop smiling, all the while that I listened to some awesome, awesome songs.
Exhibit B: After getting into bed at 2am in the morning, I spent another hour listening to *one* song that I had hurriedly transfered to my phone (the only one I had with me; rest of the songs I could only listen to online) and thus ended up sleeping at three. And it doesn’t end there.
Exhibit C: I wake up at 7.30, and turn on the laptop (meaning to go through the slides) and almost unconsciously connect to the internet, and before I know it, I am shuffling more through the random searches than the pdf files I am meant to learn.
Exhibit D: I come back from a f***ed up exam (no surprises there), and the only thing I want to know the moment I enter my room is if the wi-fi’s still behaving itself. It is. And I start right from where I had last left off, and that is where I start having a doubt as to if this is really normal behavior.
Exhibit E: I try taking an afternoon nap, and have my laptop right next to me, with the earphones still in my ears, and a playlist put on repeat (rubab instrumental, if you must have it). You must have some idea about how a woman feels when she wakes up with her cheek squashed on top of her laptop and her hands lovingly placed on its closed screen like it’s the most natural thing to do. Freaked out, yeah. That was exactly how I felt.
And if it were not enough, I am still at it. I am even now, zealously searching for new music like it’s going out of fashion; I find myself counting hours till I can get home and start downloading all the songs I have been listening to, so I can have them with me all the time, unlike now when I need to be connected to the net, (which in itself is such a pain). I have got into the bad habit of active listening, because half the time I am like “Ya..ya..hmm.. hmm…so have you heard *this* song?“, and rest of the times I am humming something under my breath. And why would the social networking be left untouched? The obsession spreads over Facebook AND Twitter as well. I wonder at times why my earphones don’t just start growing out of my ears. And I wonder how many more years I have left before I start hearing music inside my head without even actual music being played. Oh, and it wouldn’t matter, because the rate at which I am going, I will be deaf way before my time anyway.
So there you go. I am confirming my Dad’s worst fears, and confronting my own. Oh no, I am not scared I am an addict. I am just scared of that slightest possibility that I might someday change. Because I hope, hand upon my heart, that I don’t. I love being a musiholic, which means I will not even try to stop myself, so help me God.
Just heard an amazing song I need to Google the lyrics of. So ciao for now.
P.S. Maybe , just maybe, this has to do with the whole idea about putting up playlists on my blog. I can’t believe I have deliberately, on my own, set myself up a routine to write. But boy am I excited about it.