*Cough Cough* Turn

Baby my baby,

It seems like a lot has happened since my last letter to you, the most significant being the fact that I saw you again! Oh baby Mommy was so anxious to know if you are growing the way you should or that Mommy has not been able to take good care of you, that Mommy had to keep doing breathing exercises to calm her nerves all the way on the drive to the doctor’s. And then the moment of truth arrived, and I crossed my fingers as the beautiful doctor turned the magic wand on, and there you were! Definitely bigger than last time, all of 6cms, my darling little peach-sized baby.

You did look happy in there, given how you were moving and kicking all the time. The doctor showed us your tiny fingers and toes, and your backbone and your heart that was going thump-thump-thump as if saying, “Hullo Mommy and Daddy! Look at me, look at me!” Then while trying to take your crown-to-rump (your head to your tiny cute bum) length measurement, to know if you are growing alright, we realized you were lying cozy and comfortable on your back kicking up a storm, while we wanted you to lie on your side. So the doctor asked me to cough, and although at first I didn’t know how that would make any difference, I obliged (because Mommy is a good patient who listens to her doctor) and what would you know! You did turn on your side to face me, and we saw it all on the screen. Daddy confessed later that he was really emotional, and I was giggling and laughing like a maniac. That, baby, was the highlight of my day, and I still dream about it when I close my eyes and think about you. Mommy can’t wait to start feeling those kicks, and four weeks seems like an impossibly long time to wait for something that wonderful. But for now, Mommy has your photos stored on her phone, and all she does is keep staring at them, and popping kisses on her screen. I know it is so silly, but Mommy just can’t get enough of seeing you put your fist near your mouth and your feet high up in the air! And you know what Daddy does? He’d recorded the happy thump-thump of your heartbeat on his phone, and he keeps listening to it whenever he gets time off work. Oh, he is a cute thing, your Daddy. I can’t wait for you to meet him and hold his finger and smile at him. Psst, when you are bigger and Daddy carries you on his shoulder, make sure you tug at his hair with all your might, okay? He’s super proud he’s got a full head of hair while his friends are starting to complain about receding hairlines. Let’s see if we can remedy that!

On a more serious note (because I know you can handle it now), Mommy’s had to make a rather major choice in the last week, and although it seemed pretty important at that point of time, after seeing you moving and squirming in there, nothing seems more important. So yes, before you made your presence known to us with those beautiful pink lines, Mommy had applied for a job in a big big, company. It would have been my dream job, baby; one that would have made me very happy indeed. I did get called for a written test, and although they told me they would call me in two-three weeks to let me know if I made the mark, they never did. But then we got to know about you, and I was so thrilled I completely forgot about the test and the results that never came. The other day, baby, they did call finally, and asked me for an interview. And while Daddy said he’d support me in any decision I made, I spent sleepless nights thinking about what I was going to do. On one hand was my dream job, and a chance to get it. And on the other hand, the best thing that has ever happened to me and a chance to become the mother I had dreamt of being. I thought about compromises, possible arrangements, and pros and cons, and realized that baby, nothing compared to watching you grow in front of my eyes, and spending each and every moment with you until you are grown up enough to go to school! I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving you at three months in the hands of a nanny or in a daycare centre to go build my career. So, even though all of my friends and well wishers told me I should have at least gone for the interview and checked if there was a possible way of eating my cake and having it too, I didn’t go. And the more I think about it, baby, the happier I am. You are my biggest blessing, and it will be selfish of me to ask for more.

Until the next time, baby. Keep growing, keep kicking, and keep squirming! Mommy loves you most.

Big wet sloppy kisses,

Mom on Tenterhooks.

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