Dear darling baby,
I know it has been a long long time since I last wrote to you, and Mommy is really sorry she missed out the last time, but I know you don’t mind, because Mommy has been talking and singing to you almost non-stop, right? To be honest, though, the last time Mommy was so tensed about the ultrasound that she couldn’t even string words together to form a sentence. Well, I am always anxious before each appointment, but that one was different. Since we crossed the 20 week mark, and you were big enough (the size of a banana, tee hee hee!) for the kind doctor to check your organs, that was the appointment where we were to know if Mommy has indeed been taking good care of you.
Before I move on to tell you about the appointment, though, I should probably give you a background as to why Mommy was a bundle of nerves that day. So, the very first day when we went to the doctor’s, the very first time when we saw you (you were all of a blob; how time flies!) she told us that we had the option of screening you for a certain condition called the Down’s syndrome. Daddy was all for it; the practical man that he is, he said he wanted to know exactly what to expect. Sad though it is baby, a lot of parents (and not that I am judging them) do not wish to have a child with Down’s syndrome, because it makes life extremely difficult for both the child and the parents. But I had also read about brave parents who were informed about the condition only after the baby’s birth and were extremely happy to have a blessed baby in their lives, regardless of his condition. So I stood my ground in front of Daddy and said, “No, we are not going ahead with the screening. I don’t care if my baby is not perfect. There’s nothing in this world that can make me NOT want to have him or her!” I had to convince him about how the initial screening is not conclusive, and to get definitive results we would have to get an amniocentesis done (which I was not at all keen on, since it involved taking a little bit of fluid from right where you are now), AND since there is no known cure for the Down’s syndrome, it would lead to nothing but extreme anxiety for both of us until we had you in our arms. Daddy being the good Daddy he is, he finally agreed to let me have my way.
Which brings us to the last ultrasound and why I was so worried. The doctor started by checking your nasal bone (Yay! No Down’s!), then moved on to your tiny lips (Hurray to no cleft lip!) and then to your brain, heart, stomach and bladder. She counted ten little fingers and ten little toes. Just like last time, you had your legs all squished up and your fist near your mouth (we could see you open and close your tiny mouth) so the doctor asked me to turn and cough. And just like that, baby, you started kicking up a storm! “Lightning fast!” the doctor told us, and informed us you are growing exactly like you should, and you are a perfect little baby. My baby.
The happy news is that you have finally started communicating with me, and more importantly, with your Daddy! While it took Mommy some time to feel kicks rather than flutters, it was totally worth the wait. The other day, I was lying on the bed on my back, and I felt one, two, three very strong kicks! I even placed my hand on my belly and felt the kicks on my palm. So I called Daddy to come and have a feel (poor Daddy has been trying to feel you for a long time now) and although your kicks were still going strong Daddy couldn’t feel them on his palm. He then placed his ear on my belly and there! You kicked him right on his ear. You should have seen the look on Daddy’s face baby. It was priceless. Then we saw my belly move with each kick of yours. I must have been smiling ear to ear the whole day, baby. And Daddy kept saying, “Wow! That was… Something!”
Even though the doctor says it will be weeks before I can feel your kicks regularly, I can’t help but get a little anxious if I don’t feel you for a long time. Which is why the first prayer I say when I wake up in the morning is “Let this be a day when baby is active; please let me feel baby’s kicks” Sometimes I stay awake at night just to feel you play football inside my belly, and nothing in the world could make me happier than when I feel a particularly strong kick, especially after I have ice cream!
Another 18 weeks to go, and there are still days when I can’t believe that come December I will have you in my arms. Like I texted Daddy the other day to pick him up on a particularly difficult day, “Seems like yesterday I was staring at the two pink lines, just yesterday when we got on the bus and went to the clinic to get the blood test done to confirm what the pink lines had already told us. And now, in 18 weeks, we will have this bundle of flesh, half you and half me, with wrinkled knuckles and toothless gums, looking at us through half closed eyes, and each day you come home, you know there is this perfect tiny being who loves you unconditionally and is always, always happy to see you” To which Daddy replied, “Hell yes I am going to be a Daddy!” Gotta love that man, your Daddy.
So maybe next time I will tell you all about how we bought your precious cot, and Daddy even picked up your bed linen. But for now, baby, keep growing, keep kicking and come to Mommy soonest!
Mommy loves you the most.
Mom on Tenterhooks.